Since I’ve moved back to Sacramento and got my own spot I’ve found myself spending more and more time with my family, especially my chinese grandma-and I love it. I don’t really have a good excuse for my absence. It was my fault. At the time, running away to avoid the criticism of my life seemed most appealing. Now when I see my grandma I start feeling hate toward myself. How could I let so much time pass between us?! In the two years of me hiding away from everyone, she’s become so fragile and weak. She barely has enough energy to yell at me for wearing lipstick or notice my tiny star tattoo on my wrist! Or maybe she’s just accepted me as an adult woman- finally. I mean…sure, I’ve had school to focus on, a son to care for, a boyfriend to see, work and bills to cover but now I see that none of that should ever compromise the time I need to make for her. I am the last living memory of her only son and the closest kin in regards to distance. Its a harsh reality to understand and accept the limited time i have with her, as well as the rest of my family and loved ones, but I’m glad I’ve been hit with reality before it was too late.
At least once a week my grandma will ask for me to come over after work to eat with her. This night especially she made all of our favorite dishes. How thoughtful … Although our conversations are challenged by our thick language barrier and her progressing deafness, we try our best. It also makes me feel a hundred times better knowing that she isn’t eating dinner alone- night after night.
Little “Pi-Gwut” watching the very aged VHS movies I used to watch at his age, haha! I gave him the unofficial nickname of “pi-gwut” because 1) it’s the only chinese word he knows how to say 2) it means spare-rib in chinese and it’s his favorite dish 3) he’s skinny yet boldly flavored like a spare-rib.
My son is always so bored out of his mind when we visit my grandma but I find it’s extremely important and valuable for him to learn the importance of respecting and catering to his elders.